Well here we are in 2012 already! My my did 2011 sure FLY by! As we close out the old and bring in the new I'd like to make it a goal to post on my blog at least once a week! I know that isn't a lot but it is a goal I think I can attain so that's what we are going with!
2011 held a lot of joy and a LOT of heartache for me, my family and my friends. Of course the joy for me is the most precious gift God has ever blessed me with, MY SON! Addicus has been such a joy! I cannot believe he is almost 1 :( The heartache includes many tragedies and unexpected events. I cannot even begin to describe how much my heart has hurt over the last year.
With all of that said I have decided to make another change/goal in my life this year and that is to HAVE FAITH and CHOOSE JOY. For years I have been a heartbroken young child with no real meaning of purpose in my life. I often feel I'm stuck in my sadness, heartache and sorrow. I have struggled with my faith, friendships, family, heartbreaks and dependence on others/things. I am not saying it has been all bad because by no means has it, I am just saying I don't feel I've ever really grasped the concept of moving on. I always seem to think I've moved on or feel I have let something go, but when it comes to the days that are just really crappy, every thing seems to come flooding back.
This year I am going to begin making the effort to use my downtime to spend time in HIS word so I can grasp the true meaning of having faith. The first tattoo I got was the word faith, because faith holds a special meaning for me, it is time I start living and walking by faith!
This year EVERYDAY I will CHOOSE JOY! I am a part of a Women's Bible Study group that meets every other Sunday afternoon and at our last meeting our leader challenged us to CHOOSE JOY. She has had bracelets made for us and we will be getting them soon. This bracelet will be my constant reminder to choose Joy over all else. As I sad my life has been full of challenging situations that have truly left me bitter. When the past comes flooding back to me I can't believe the changes that have occurred in my life and the bitterness that has built up. I look back and think, "Wow!" and then beat myself up over my choices. I often think about how happy I am that my life is "on track" and that I'm now making better decisions but I don't know how beating myself up over the past is a "better decision." Through my bitterness I have also become very callused. I get so upset at the choices others make that break my heart of the hearts of those that love them, yet I guess I forget I used to make the same decisions. All in all, this year I WILL CHOOSE JOY! For all of you iPhoners there is an app you can get to keep track of your daily blessings/gifts/things you are thankful for, it is called 1,000 gifts. Our Bible Study leaders challenge was for us to have 5 things each day that we are thankful for, regardless of how each day goes. Also there is a book you can enjoy called, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I have not yet read the book but plan on making it a top priority this year!
Now back to the title, I woke up this morning motivated to start my year out right and sticking with my GOALS (not resolutions :)) I sat down to do my Bible Study and what do you know, it's in the car Josh took to church, so I decided to Google a Devotional and I came across Proverbs 31 website, I don't know a lot about this website but I do know there are many women in my bible study group that read this devotional. I pulled up the daily devotions and started reading. When I was done I noticed it was not the devotional for today but that didn't matter, it was the devotional I needed to hear/read today. It was about how we have moved away from personal interaction society to a society so plugged in to social networking that we have lost our sense of belonging. Now I know not everyone out there has done this but, I have. I have come to a place in my life where I really don't feel like I belong ANYWHERE. I used to be so involved, my friends called me the social butterfly, I always had someone to hang out with or talk to. Now, I feel so lost, I feel alone, I feel completely turned off from the real world. This is not a cry for friends, this is not a knock on all the people who are currently in my life. This is me pouring out my feelings so I can realize I have to be the one that gets out there and gets involved again. I have to be the one to overlook the fact that there are people/women out there who still have childhood friends, but that doesn't mean they can't be my friend too. I have to be the one that TRULY steps out daily with the question in mind, Where do I find my place of belonging?
I hope yall have an exciting and blessed day to open the New Year! And please consider taking 2012 on with the goals of having faith and choosing joy!
