I know that you are for me...

I know that you are for me, I know that you will never, forsake me in my weakness....
-Kari Jobe, You Are For Me
I can't get this song out of my mind/off my heart. If you haven't ever heard it you should go listen to it.

Miracles.
The topic of of current sermon series at church. Today Pastor Mike spoke about how we often define our lives by what we do and/or what we have accomplished. Example, I have my Masters of Arts in Criminology and Criminal Justice, I am a Community Supervision Officer, I won Homecoming Queen in high school and college, I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a daughter, I am a sister, etc.... Upon closing the sermon, Pastor Mike challenged us to mark our lives by our miracles. He then went a step further to challenge us to especially mark our lives today by the miracle of forgiveness. He encouraged us to consume ourselves in the forgiveness and grace...
If you know me really well you will know my biggest struggle in life surrounds my inability to forgive myself of my mistakes, especially those made in college and grad school. I made horrible choices and did things of which I'm incredibly ashamed. I know I am forgiven but I often wonder why He would forgive me when I can't even find it in me to forgive myself. I have struggled with this "cloud" of shame, guilt, hurt, embarrassment for at least the last 7 or 8 years. Sometimes I even have a hard time remembering anything good from college and I experience extreme anxiety when I think about seeing someone from my past...

But TODAY I have decided to accept Pastor Mike's challenge. No more shame, no more guilt, no more embarrassment. I've been working way too hard the last 2-3 years to let this mess pull me down any more. I will accept that I am forgiven, I will mark today as a MIRACLE in my life. TODAY I choose to consume myself in forgiveness and grace! I know I will face many more challenges in my life, but today I make a promise to myself, that I will no longer allow the hurts of my past choices define who I am.

Today I ran into someone I went to college with, I was SO excited to see a familiar face from back home yet I was very hesitant to approach him as he would be one of those people I would have extreme anxiety to run in to. Although I was overwhelmed with anxiety, my excitement took over and I approached him and his wife anyways. It was a heart warming encounter, he remembered me and better yet he wrote on my facebook wall later about how nice it was to see someone from "back home."

That story coupled with my decision to accept Pastor Mike's challenge just makes me completely overwhelmed with joy and peace today. I am sure sometimes I will still experience some anxiety about the past but I KNOW that He is for me and I KNOW the He will NEVER forsake me in my weakness!